Marni Battista on How to Have Great Conversation on Your Next Date
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 9, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Typically, when men are with men, they will discuss what they are making, fixing or achieving. Remember, while men are clearly no longer living in caves bringing back the kill, they are still stimulated by discussing topics related to competition, adventure, and achievement. As a result, men typically enjoy discussing sports, video games, fast cars, and those things that have an element of danger. It is in talking about these things that they are able to raise levels of a chemical in their brain called dopamine. When men experience appropriate dopamine levels they are fulfilled, have energy, and need to spend less time in the “man cave.” In addition, men are traditionally more focused on the bottom line, in that they want to know how to resolve a situation. As a result, they are less interested in the complexity of a situation, and only want to know the essential information. Thus, men would most likely synthesize the incident, break it into small pieces, and then focus on a possible resolution.
Conversely, in a similar situation, a group of women might spend hours discussing the details and complexity of a scenario. Women will breakdown how it happened, crave elaborate details about who was involved and what each person was possibly thinking, and then begin to discuss a myriad of possible solutions, elaborating on the pros and cons of each possibility. According to Georgetown University Professor of Linguistics, Deborah Tannen, men and women’s differing approaches to conversation begin in childhood. Tannen states that as children, girls on the playground will choose to sit in small groups and talk whereas boys choose to play in larger activity-based groups. In addition, Tannen points out that men typically use conversation to show or maintain status. Women, however, want to remain the same during conversation and use words such as “maybe we could,” or “is there any way we could,” as to not appear to aggressive.
That said, how does this effect conversation on a date? Here are a few guidelines:
1. Engage men by asking them about things that get them excited. Does he like motorcycles? Drive one? Hope to race one someday? What cool adventures has he had? Get him to tell you about the trip he took with his buddies to Pakistan. Or how he went fishing in the snake river. Did he risk life and limb hiking in the Grand Canyon during an unexpected snowstorm. Watch as his eyes light up, recounting the details of his adventure. What’s more, you get to see what things get him excited. Don’t dive into the details though, pressing him for specifics. Ask how it turned out, allowing him to get to the exciting finale without too much delay.
2. As a women, make an effort to bring your feminine energy to the date. Stay away from a typically male conversation style in which you appear to “one-up” your date. He went to Pakistan? Don’t then, tell the story of how you went to Morocco and suffered far more than he did, enduring sweltering heat and far more horrid conditions. Instead, tell the story, focus on why it was memorable. Let him know that you enjoy adventure. Share details, but don’t linger too long. Remember, men can get lost in detail. Keep him interested. Move to the resolution of the story efficiently.
3. Mix up the type of dates you plan. While sitting in a restaurant conversing is quite comfortable and best matches the conversational style of a woman, remember that men like activity. Go bowling. Take a hike. Drive the bumper cars. Provide opportunities for the man to engage in conversation while he is active. It will raise his dopamine levels, thus keeping him interested and focused on you.
4. Ask questions. Women love to be with men who are interested in details, activelisteners and don’t always try to “fix” a problem or situation she is describing. Because men are solution-oriented, however, they often want to cut to the chase, provide the solution and be heroic (Heroics raise men’s dopamine levels, making them feel good, but it mostly just makes a woman feel like you want her to stop talking if she hasn’t asked you for your opinion yet.) Part of listening is merely being a receptive container for the other person’s thoughts and feelings. Believing that is your job to provide a ”fix” can often a disservice to the person who is talking. Just listen. Be present and ask questions when appropriate. Be compassionate and empathetic. If she asks for advice, lend your opinion. If she doesn’t ask, then ask her directly if she wants your take on the situation. If not, be supportive. Give a hug if appropriate, and let her know you care.
It is imperative to remember that men and women’s conversational styles are different. Be confident, and most importantly, don’t personalize each thing that your date says. Instead, a date is the perfect opportunity to practice engaging in “curious conversation,” an interaction in which listening is often more important than talking.
See if you can use some of these conversation tools during Lisa’s 30 Day Challenge. Good luck!
About The Expert
Marni Battista is the founder of DatingWithDignity.com. She gives advice, tips and scripts nearly every day on her website, teaches workshops, holds AMAZING, powerful group coaching classes, hosts mixers and works with clients one-on-one.
Ten Can’t Miss Flirting Moves from Dr. Diana Kirschner
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 5, 2011 - 7:00 AM
OK, Ladies. Ready to revv up your flirting skills during my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge? My friend Dr. Diana Kirschner has 10 key flirting moves to implement TODAY. Which ones work for you?
Flirting is phenomenal! It is a playful, fun activity that helps you feel more attractive and boosts your flirtee’s self esteem. Flirting can be a complete encounter; it doesn’t mean you have to go any farther. As long as you are in a safe public place, a little flirting is a fun, uplifting activity. Within a relationship, flirting is very important: it gives your date or partner clear “go” signals that indicate you find him attractive.
Flirting is especially important to practice if you are shy or nervous with men or typically caught in a deadly dating pattern I call “Just Buddies.” In this all-too-common pattern you have guy friends at work or outside, watch sports with them, play video or other games with them, but create no romantic connections. Then you wonder why none of these men are into you.
Dylan, a brilliant, hard-working engineer, whose gorgeous bod was permanently camouflaged in pantsuits or sweats, talks about her Just Buddies pattern:
I work with a lot of guys and I love sports, so we wind up going out after work to sports bars, kicking back a few drinks and doing the guy thing together. I’m the one they tell all their girl problems to. It’s all great, except for Rob, who I think I’ve been in love with for the past year. He just got engaged! After working with one of your Love in 90 Days Mentors, I realized that I’m afraid to be more of a woman with a guy. Truth is, I don’t really know how to flirt and have never asked anyone for help.
Dylan worked with her Love Mentor and got over her deadly dating pattern by dressing in more feminine clothes and by flirting. She is now having an incredible time dating terrific guys.
Like Dylan, many of us simply feel like we don’t know how to flirt. We see our girlfriends doing it, starting spirited connections with men and leaving us in the dust. But the truth is that flirting is a skill that can be learned! If flirting doesn’t come naturally, try it first on men who are not threatening to you like Dylan did with her game night friends. But make sure you eventually build up to the hotties.
If you are nervous, blushing or shy, let it be. This kind of energy is particularly endearing and attractive. And surprisingly enough, if you are very attractive, flirting is especially important! The good men are often quite intimidated by a beautiful woman, and you have to be very clear in signaling your interest.
So here are 10 key flirting moves adapted from my bestselling dating advice book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love:
- Make eye contact and smile. If he makes lingering or repeated eye contact back, he is probably interested.
- Ask for help as you adjust your shoe, lean on his arm and adjust it.
- Look at him, look away, then look back.
- While sitting, cross your legs and jiggle your foot in his direction.
- Touch him lightly on the arm, shoulder or neck.
- Touch your lips, neck or chest.
- Brush your hand through your hair.
- Play with your hair, clothing or an object.
- Whisper in his ear.
- Give him a mini-massage.
Pick two or three of these simple flirting acts and try them out. You will be amazed at how easy they are to do. Then try a few more. Over time you can become accomplished at flirting whenever you want to, no matter how attractive a hottie is! Learn more about busting through shyness and finding, attracting and dating terrific guys in Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.
About The Expert
Psychologist Dr. Diana Kirschner, is a frequent guest on the Today Show, successfully ran the 90 Day Love Challenge on the Fox Morning Show and is the star of a PBS TV Special based on her bestselling dating advice book, Love in 90 Days. She has helped thousands of single women find lasting love. Get Dr. Diana’s Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter ($59 value) FREE at www.lovein90days.com
Cherry Norris On How to Catch A Cutie’s Eye
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 26, 2011 - 7:00 AM
I’m so excited to share with you my friend Cherry Norris’ 3 easy to implement tips for catching a cutie’s attention! It may sound TOO easy, but it’s not. It’s JUST RIGHT. Follow the 3 steps listed below and have fun with the results!
You’re out with your girlfriends. You’re having a great time talking and laughing.
When suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you spot him. A cutie who quickens your pulse. Could he be your man?
What do you do? How do you know if he’s available to meet you?
You could just go up and ask him. Be brave. Speak first. See if he’s interested.
I wouldn’t advise it.
Why not?
Because when you approach a man and make the first move, you don’t know if he’s YOUR man. He may be someone else’s man and is acting polite.
So how do you meet this cutie?
Catch His Eye
Catch his eye and smile for five seconds. Yes, it’s tough. Yes, it feels like forever and you feel like a slut. Your lip sticks to your teeth because all the saliva is out of your mouth and down to your pits.
But it’s important to do it anyway.
Catch your cutie’s eye and hold the gaze long enough to see if he’s interested, available and safe to meet you.
If he is, he will approach you.
Wait For Him to Speak
When your cutie approaches you, let him speak first. Let him start the conversation. Let him say whatever he wants to say.
It’s tough when your cutie is thinking of what to say to you for the first time. He doesn’t want to look like an idiot. He wants to say something that will impress you or make you laugh. He wants your respect.
So no matter how awkward or clumsy it feels, just sit, smile and wait for him to speak.
Even if he says something stupid like, “Where’d you get your shoes?”, (You’ll laugh about it later) your man is brave. He’s a hero. It takes courage for your cutie to walk across the room and say “hello.”
Follow the Leader
After he speaks, be receptive to whatever he says. Let him talk and lead the conversation. He’ll tell you who he is. He’ll give you a lot of good information.
This is good news for many reasons. You don’t have to be clever. You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to impress him with your accomplishments. You get to relax, listen to his stories and be entertained by them or not.
Hear what he says. Hear what he’s offering. See how he makes you feel.
Your cutie will want you and tell you he does. He will make a plan to see you and care about your feelings.
If he’s not your cutie, he won’t do these things. Instead, he’ll ask you to call him and expect you to want him more. And if he does make a plan, it’s rare he follows through.
As you get out there during Lisa’s challenge, pay attention to the cuties who approach, take risks, and pursue you. And pay attention to those you approach, take risk, and pursue. YOUR cutie will make the effort, follow up, and follow through.
About The Expert
Cherry Norris, “The Hollywood Dating Director” helps single women prepare for the role of a lifetime so they can star in their own love story. She can be found at http://hollywooddatingdirector.com/index.html
The Dating Makeover Coach on From Ice to Nice: Six ways to be more approachable
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 18, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Today’s featured expert is my good friend Kira Sabin, aka The Dating Makeover Coach. Kira’s got some valuable tips on how to become more approachable. Enjoy!
When I was in high school one of my friends was the most sought-after girl in school. I had other friends that were prettier, smarter and nicer but boys were crazy for her.
It took me a little while, but I finally figured out why she was constantly asked out, in a relationship or every guy’s dream girl. She was approachable.
She was pretty but not beautiful. She was smart, but not a know it all. She was always friendly, smiling and nice. Her secret: Every guy thought they had a shot at her. They always felt comfortable talking to her and she always made them feel great about themselves. She is now married to a wonderful guy who is also the whole package.
What is the point of this story? To let you know that just because you are beautiful, smart and successful doesn’t mean that meeting people is going to be easy. In fact it may even be harder. Does that suck? Maybe, but it is true.
In case you haven’t noticed, men are fragile souls. Many times more fragile than we are. If they think for any reason they are going to be rejected, they are not climbing aboard that train. It’s going to take a little work from you.
Many times the gregarious guys who are approaching you are in for a challenge and once they conquered that challenge they will find a new one. The better bet for good relationships are the healthy, great guys who just need a little encouragement to know that if they come up to you, they are not going to be making a complete ass of themselves.
Here are six ways to get you dating and mating in no time.
1. Get off your stinkin’ cell phone. It’d be a bummer if your dream man was beside you for coffee, but you were to busy talking to your friend about last night’s “Real Housewives of New York City” episode.
2. Get a partner in crime. If you were a guy would you approach a group of four or more women? Heck no. It’s too scary and too many people staring as he tries to talk to you. Going somewhere? Go with one friend (hopefully one who can you talk you up if the situation arises).
3. If you are going somewhere alone (even if it is to meet somebody), make an entrance. Walk in the door, pause for three to five seconds in a confident stance so everyone can notice you and scan the room with a smile on your face.
4. If you are sitting, make sure you are facing outward with your body toward people. If you are only turned toward your friend then your body is saying “we are in a closed conversation.” With both of you facing to room, it says, “we are nice and friendly, come talk to us.”
5. When you notice someone interesting looking at you, look back. Holding eye contact for three seconds lets him know you are interested, if he holds the eye contact with you, he’s interested too. To seal the deal, look away for a minute or two, then look back and smile. Look down and up again. If he doesn’t come over after that, he is in a relationship or not in a place to date.
6. If he strikes up a conversation with you, keep it light friendly and have fun with it. Keep sarcasm to a minimum. What seems okay to you, may not be for him. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a sense of humor, it just means he doesn’t know you well enough to know when you’re joking. This crucial: If you are interested, let him know. I said that he has to ask you out, but giving him a nudge by sharing that you have really enjoyed talking to him and would love to again is just smart. Not desperate. Smart.
Smart is good.
About The Expert
As The Dating Makeover Coach, Kira works with her clients on body language, how to make their living spaces dating friendly, and how to cook a fantastic date dinner. She is a professionally certified coach through the International Coach Academy and can be found at http://www.kirasabin.com/.
Lisa Steadman’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 15, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Calling all savvy single girls! Did you know that June is the PERFECT month to manifest Mr. Right?
That’s why I’m launching my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
The purpose is simple: I hear from so many amazing women how frustrated they are with online dating. I also hear that they have no idea how to meet men in person.
My 30 Day Get Out There Challenge will help singles everywhere get out from behind their computers, start talking to cuties wherever they go, and learn how to become man magnets.
Sound good?
Good!
Every day for 30 days, I’ll give you a new challenge via my daily video tip. These challenges will help you push through your blocks and fears, and actually have fun.
PLUS, I’m introducing you to another dating expert every day for 30 days. So you’ll get daily advice from me, AND one other amazing expert. Here are just some of the amazing experts you’ll learn from:
– Law of Attraction specialist Arielle Ford
– Image consultant and dating expert Kim Seltzer
– The Dating Makeover Coach Kira Sabin
– Romance & Relationship Confidante for Women Jonathan Aslay
– And so many others
Jonathon Aslay On Dating & Relationships for The Woman of Tomorrow
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 14, 2011 - 7:00 AM
As a professional dating & relationship coach, I’ve helped many women with dating and relationship issues. This has led me to identify a few client “types” and approaches to dating and relationships that tend to work best for each. Three types I come across often are what I call the Woman of Yesterday, the Woman of Today, and the Woman of Tomorrow. While I enjoy coaching them all, I find it most rewarding to work with the modern day “Woman of Tomorrow.” In my experience, she is uniquely positioned to find lasting love and true partnership—which, any dating coach will tell you, is the brass ring. Who is the Woman of Tomorrow and how can I help her? I’m glad you asked.
The Woman of Tomorrow is defined by her self-awareness. She knows what she wants, goes after it, and invests in it. She does virtually nothing in life out of necessity. Rather, she does things out of desire, because she has choices, and knows it. This differs from the Woman of Yesterday, who is less independent and self-sufficient. Yesterday’s woman embraces her femininity in a way that supports the traditional view of man as protector and provider. She depends on her partner for security, and is happiest with a man who is fulfilled by supplying it.
The Woman of Today “has it all,” but subconsciously lives life according to society’s template. She is smart, strong, feminine, and successful, yet often struggles to balance career, family, and personal time. Today’s Woman reacts to what life throws at her and derives satisfaction from being a flexible multi-tasker. Her true partner is likewise an achiever, and prides himself on his accomplishments.
But, the Woman of Tomorrow has something more. She is the Woman of Today, minus the template. She is guided by an internal compass and empowered by self-awareness. Her thoughts and plans leverage her gifts, and are fueled by her desires. She has confidence in what tomorrow will bring because she has already envisioned it. To have a lasting romantic union, it is essential that she be with a man who is her true partner in everything—someone who fully appreciates her core being, has similar values and interests, and will evolve along with her.
While the Woman of Tomorrow prefers to be in a relationship, she’d rather be alone than settle for a merely “good” one. She leads a full and satisfying life and only accepts a partner who will enhance it. Tomorrow’s woman has a soft, feminine side that likes to be courted by the man she is dating. She is best suited with a secure, financially stable guy who continually works on himself and is emotionally available for a loving relationship—all things she is. As a couple, they do many things together, because they are best friends and passionate lovers.
The single Woman of Tomorrow is open to the possibility her partner will appear on her doorstep, but doesn’t expect or wait for it to happen. If she wants to meet someone, she searches for him with intent, doing her research, and seeking guidance and good counsel. That’s where I come in.
I help the Woman of Tomorrow locate her true partner by arming her with wisdom and focus.
What sets me apart from other dating coaches is that I know the male perspective and have a keen understanding of women. But most importantly, I listen and really get to know my clients. By tapping all my knowledge gleaned from dating and successfully guiding hundreds of women towards Mr. Right, my coaching enables Tomorrow’s woman to “date with purpose” and bring the man she desires to meet into her life.
The Woman of Tomorrow thrives on using empowering know-how to take fate by the hand and maximize her potential. My job is to help her achieve both in her love life… and grab that brass ring.
About The Expert
Professional dating coach and speaker Jonathon Aslay offers private and group dating and relationship coaching services nationwide. He also has a variety of e-books available for purchase. For more information about Jonathon and his services, visit jonathonaslay.com and facebook/jonathonaslay
How to be a Holiday Flirt!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 5, 2011 - 7:00 AM
I’ve got another great tip to celebrate your single self this holiday season…
I want you to become a flirting master!
Now, you don’t have to lose 20 pounds to rock your inner flirt.
You don’t have to get plastic surgery or get a new wardrobe either.
Flirting can happen anytime, anywhere, with anyone.
When you’re at the grocery store and looking for produce, keep a look out for the cuties in your vicinity. Smile, make eye contact, and give him permission to approach.
By giving yourself permission to be open and to see who’s in your environment, you can start flirting and having fun today. This is your chance to reclaim your fabulousness, and what better time then the holiday season!
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
4 Common Mistakes Single Women Make
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 4, 2011 - 7:00 AM
As the holidays approach, are you left wondering why you haven’t met Mr. Right this year? I’ve been talking to a lot of single women about how to STOP making the same mistakes over and over and instead get love right in 2011.
To help YOU rock your dating life in the near year, here are the most common mistakes I see single women making. See which ones you’re committing:
Mistake #1: They Allow Work to Consume Them
Be honest. Are you consumed by your work? When you meet someone, do you do your best to push him away? As a coach, this is a common mistake I see single women make. So many women are so committed to the idea that if a man is interested in them, there must be something wrong with him, that they dismiss potentially really great guys without giving them a chance. And then they re-immerse themselves in work mode, staying in masculine energy that makes them not only hard to approach but practically impossible to connect with.
Mistake #2: They Believe Time Has Run Out
Think time has run out on your chance to have love, marriage, and babies? You’re wrong. While it may have been true that once upon a time love, marriage, and babies had a predictable timeline, in 2010 our lives are less predictable. And that’s a good thing. As many women are delaying marriage until our 40s and 50s, the truth is we are never behind schedule. We’re right on time for our lives. And yes, I understand the biology isn’t always on our side. But if you truly want to have a family, not being able to bear your own children shouldn’t be the deal breaker. You can adopt, hire a surrogate, be a foster parent, or even a step parent to your future partner’s children.
Mistake #3: They Ignore Good Men
I see this time and time again. When a woman believes that there are no good men available, all she sees is proof that she’s right. I invite every woman who believes that all the good ones are taken to let go of her need to be right and instead step in to the desire to be happy. The truth is, there are good men everywhere. Not all of them are available. Not all of them are interested. And you’re not interested in all of them. However, by acknowledging and celebrating these good men, even if they simply open a door for you, let you ahead of them in line at the grocery store, or compliment you on your perfume, this is an opportunity to recognize a good man. When you start celebrating the good men you interact with every day, and lighten up on your need to be right about your belief that there are no good single men left, you will change who you attract. In the process, you can attract somebody pretty fabulous.
Mistake #4: They Run The Other Way
Time and time again, I see single women asking for a good guy to show up. And then when he does, they have the urge to run the other way. This is actually perfectly natural. If all a woman has ever experienced in her dating life is frustration, disappointment, and lack of emotional availability, then that’s what she’s used to. However, if she wants a different dating result, she’s got to change her behavior. As initially uncomfortable as receiving interest, adoration, and genuine connection with a good man can feel when you’ve never felt it before, now’s the time to get uncomfortable. Let yourself experience a different dating result. That’s what you’ve asked for. Celebrate what you’ve manifested, move through the discomfort, and into the pure enjoyment of getting to know someone truly amazing who’s truly interested in getting to know you.
When it comes to creating a life you love and attracting the love of your life, the key lies in getting really clear about how you may have sabotaged your success in the past. Once you acknowledge how you may have contributed to past disappointment and drama, you can change your behavior. With that simple act, you can create new beliefs and behavior and ultimately enjoy different (and better) results.
To start celebrating being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and meet Mr. Right in record time, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Inside the Mind of the Single Guy
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 3, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Ladies, listen up. If you’re having trouble in the dating trenches — whether it’s meeting a guy, attracting the right kind of guy, or maintaining a guy’s interest — this may just be the blog post for you. I’m taking you inside the mind of the single guy to find out what makes him tick. From his dating dos and don’ts to how he feels about monogamy and marriage, you’ll learn all you need to know to successfully snag the attention — and, possibly, affections — of the single guy.
Real guys like real girls (so just be yourself)
If you’re looking to meet a genuinely good guy, the first thing you need to know is that real guys like real girls. You don’t have to have 36-24-36 measurements or play fickle relationship games, and you definitely shouldn’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Guys consider phoniness a huge turnoff, so the next time you meet a single guy, do yourself a favor and just be your fabulous self. Maybe you won’t attract every guy in the room, but the right guy will be intrigued. The rest is up to you!
Independent women rule
For the single guy, the beauty of being single lies in his ability to have a full and rewarding life independent of a relationship. This allows him to nurture his career ambitions, enjoy time with friends, date interesting women, and live life to the fullest. That’s why it’s important for you to do the same. By being strong, independent, and fully in love with your own fabulous single gal life, you’re that much more likely to attract the single guy who just might be right for you.
It’s okay for you to make the first move
By now we’ve all heard about those notorious pickup artists who employ various tactics to meet, woo, and ultimately bed their conquests. Aside from these players and their questionable motives, there are single guys out there who might prefer that you make the first move. In fact, a lot of guys report that they like it when a girl makes the first move. It lets them know she’s interested (and it’s a real confidence boost!). But a word of caution — if you make the first move, don’t make the second, third, and fourth. Guys want and need to be part of the delicate dating chase. If you do all the work, they’ll just stop chasing.
Physical intimacy means different things to different people
One very crucial thing to know about some single guys is that sex and intimacy can be two different things. And here’s where dating can get tricky. Typically, women equate sex with intimacy. It’s hormonal, even biological. If we’re getting physical with someone, we’re at least thinking about having a relationship with him. Like it or not, it’s often different for men. Sex can be perceived as more recreational. Sleeping with someone does not necessarily mean they’re looking to get serious with her. This information isn’t meant to change what you believe. It’s meant to give you some perspective. If you’re taking your physical relationship to the next level, you might want to have a conversation first to make sure your intentions and his are clearly stated. Then you can decide for yourself if you’re ready.
Most single guys are not marriage-minded
This isn’t bad news. In fact, it’s valuable information you can put to good use. The sooner you understand that most single men are not on the prowl for a wife, the easier it will be for you to relate to your date. As fabulous females, we sometimes have marriage on the brain and often spend much of the first date evaluating whether or not the guy seated across from us could be The One. Men, on the other hand, go on a first date to have a good time and ultimately decide if they want a second date with you. It’s as simple as that.
Maybe the guys are on to something, ladies. By approaching dating with the attitude that they just want to have fun and meet a variety of interesting people until they meet someone worth committing to, men are playing the field with a healthy dating attitude. Instead of spending all your single gal time wondering and worrying if and when you’ll meet your husband, you too could become a successful single by taking the focus off of when and start enjoying right now.
Commitment is not a bad word
Just because he hasn’t been planning his wedding since he was 8 doesn’t mean the single guy won’t eventually commit to you. The truth is, when the right girl does come along, most single men are comfortable committing. By taking their time and really getting to know the women they date, guys again have the right idea. Take a page from their dating playbook and just have fun dating and relating! That way, when you do meet someone truly special, you’ll not only know he’s The One, but you’ll be ready, willing, and able to commit because you’ve successfully played the field.
So there you have it, ladies. Insight straight from the source — the mind of the single guy. By applying some of his dating success strategies to your own single gal life, you may just discover a happier and healthier relationship future.
Now that you know what single guys are thinking, it’s time to become a man magnet! Enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Dating 101: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 2, 2011 - 7:00 AM
How do I know if and when it’s time to break up?
There’s a lot of good in my relationship but the bad is unacceptable. What do I do?
I keep waiting for my partner to make the changes I need. How long do I wait? And what if they never change?
Chances are, at some point in your dating past or present one or more of the above questions has weighed heavily on your mind. The truth is, there’s no one size fits all answer for if and when to breakup. However, your gut knows what you want and need to do. It’s up to you to tune in, listen, and honor what you know is right for you. And while it’s admirable to hang in there, try to work it out, and make the best of your relationship, at some point you need to recognize when it’s better to cut your losses and move on rather than stick it out for another day, week, month, year. The following are some tips to help you tune in to what your gut is really saying.
Know what you want
So often I hear from people who feel they stayed too long in the wrong relationship, only to later regret all that wasted time. The best way to guarantee that you don’t waste time in the wrong relationship is to become clear about what you want before you get into a relationship. That starts with knowing your relationship requirements. What are relationship requirements? They are 10 non-negotiable traits, characteristics, and relationship must-haves that you’ve written down and use to screen potential partners. Even if you’re already in a relationship, go ahead and make your list of 10 non-negotiable requirements. If your current partner or person you’re dating doesn’t meet them (and is incapable of meeting them), that may be a clear indication that this is not the right person for you.
Become a red flag specialist
When we’re dating someone, unless they’re a serious con artist they reveal themselves to us through both words and actions. It’s up to us to pay attention. And it’s equally important to become a red flag specialist. What’s a red flag specialist? Someone who can easily and unemotionally identify a relationship red flag when it’s presented to them. Everyone’s red flags are different, and they’re based on your relationship requirements and core values. If your potential partner is consistently late, that could be a red flag. If your date claims to be smart, together, financially secure, etc., but their actions tell you a different story, your red flag alert system should sound the alarm.
Develop 20/20 vision
Rather than project a fantasy of who you’d like your partner to be, it’s essential that you take off any rose colored goggles you’re wearing and see the people you date for the individuals that they really and truly are. By being clear about your requirements and honing your ability to identify red flags as they are presented to you, you will cut down on wasted dating time and avoid getting into a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet your requirements.
Put a deadline on The Waiting Game
If you’re in a relationship and are waiting for your partner to make some changes (get a job, fix their finances, get out of their funk, etc.) before you decide whether to stay or go, put a deadline on your waiting game. And feel free to communicate the deadline to your partner. Let them know if you don’t see promised changes in a reasonable timeline, you’re not going to just hang around and wait for them to get their act together. You have needs, too, and they don’t involve putting off your life indefinitely while your partner tries to figure things out.
1, 2, 3 strikes you’re out
In baseball, there’s a reason you only get three strikes before you’re out. Otherwise, the game would go on and on, strike after strike, with no end in sight. Dating requires a similar rule — the Three Strikes Rule. If you play by the Three Strikes Rule, you give potential dates a margin of error without feeling taken advantage of. If your date is consistently late, doesn’t call when they say they’re going to, behaves inappropriately, or engages in any other unacceptable dating behavior, you reserve the right to call Strike One. And it’s important that you call them on it so that your strike system is clear. If they repeat the same behavior, Strike Two. And again, reiterate your needs, letting them know you’re not messing around. Strike Three? They’re out. It may sound and/or feel harsh at first, but if you really want to cut down on wasted dating time, you’ll listen to your gut and practice the Three Strikes Rule.
So there you have it. Five important tips to help you listen to your gut. By keeping these boundaries firmly intact, you’ll ultimately cut down on wasted time with the wrong person and improve your chances of meeting the right one.
Good luck and happy dating!
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