Morgana Rae on Love Magnet Magic
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 28, 2011 - 7:00 AM
There’s nothing more attractive to what you want, especially in realms of romance and love, than feeling good about yourself. And nothing kills your sense of self worth faster than settling for what doesn’t make you happy.
There’s a nasty little trend going around the love advice community, telling women (and men) that they should lower their standards, that they’re wrong to hold out for that special someone they admire, respect, and desire. Can you imagine? In fact there’s a best selling book out there that argues women should settle for whoever will take them. This is a perfect formula for couples who don’t feel worthy of love. (No wonder there are so many unhappy marriages out there!)
Let’s not even go there. Before you step out on your first date, we want to supercharge your love magnet with easy, authentic, happy self-confidence. Nothing to prove and nothing to buy, and you’ll feel the difference immediately. Here’s the secret:
When clients are stuck and not manifesting their desires, I have them take a look at what they’re tolerating in their lives. What do they put up with that drains their energy? Where are they settling?
We all have tolerations: those people, things, or habits that drain our energy, dim our life enjoyment. It could be a messy desk, or a critical relative, or not taking care of your health. We may have become so accustomed to certain tolerations that we feel that’s just the way life is. We don’t think we have a choice. We feel powerless, and that sense of powerlessness bleeds into other areas of our lives.
Every time you settle, you are telling the universe that “this is good enough,” and you are telling yourself, “I don’t deserve better.” If that’s your message, of course you’ll keep getting more of the same! When you’re life is full of settling, you aren’t leaving room for what you really want, especially in love.
Turning this around is easy. Make a list of what you’re tolerating: the things in your life that don’t make you happy. Then pick out ONE toleration to tackle. I recommend starting with the smallest. A little goes a long way. The smallest changes build your energy and confidence, and give you a platform for the next change.
Make it EASY. Try giving old clothes away to Good Will. Or clearing your desk. Or changing lightbulb. Or spending less time with a critical friend. When you clear something up in one area of your life, you’ve created energetic space that will impact the rest of your life. My clients have won awards, lost weight, received money out of the blue, attracted new business and found soul mates when they stopped settling in other areas of their lives. When in doubt, clean your house. It’s all connected.
Saying no to what no longer serves changes how you show up on your dates. You’ll notice that your standards rise naturally, and not from a place of neediness. You’ll find yourself attracting people who want to live up to your desires.
You’ll also catch “red flags” faster and find it easier to let go of the wrong guys quickly.
Hold out for what you really want, in love and in life. You train the universe how to treat you by how you treat yourself. You don’t want to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. Treat yourself like a queen so you can magnetize your king.
About The Expert
Morgana Rae is an internationally acclaimed life coach, author, and professional speaker, and regarded as the world’s top relationship with money coach. In her quest to bring more love to life, she has shared platforms with major thought leaders like Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, John Gray and T Harv Eker. Check out her life changing books, CDs, interviews and articles at www.abundanceandprosperity.com, and download her award winning money magnet mp3.
Robyn Vogel on How to Flirt With Heart
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 23, 2011 - 7:00 AM
During Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, I wanted to make sure you know the essential secrets of how to flirt with heart.
Flirting with heart is an expression I coined to describe the conscious way of meeting others; to express attraction and begin dating! There are no rules to follow that are someone else’s. And no specific expectations to meet, except one: Be in your heart and your light will shine. This light – self-confidence – is what men call SEXY!
Conscious flirting and dating, leading with your heart (balanced with your astute mind) is more fun than the traditional style of dating, and it yields much better results! Flirting with heart yields results because as we learn to connect from our heart, we learn what it truly means to be intimate (not sexual) and it is from this space that deep and lasting connections are made.
To get started, here are 4 success secrets to Flirting With Heart. See if you can put them into practice during Lisa’s challenge.
#1 FEEL YOUR VULNERABILITY AND DO IT ANYWAY
You know what they say – F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. You may feel scared to put yourself out there, especially if it’s been awhile, right? Acknowledge your feelings of fear and anxiety. Write them down on paper, tell them to a friend, send them to me in an email. It’s okay to be scared. Scared doesn’t mean STOP. Scared means be gentle and loving with yourself. Open your heart and send yourself compassion. Then move forward anyway. There’s no reason to hide; we’re all human and guess what? We all get scared.
#2 BE PRESENT
Take time to participate in some form of presence practice. Do yoga, meditate, sit and watch your thoughts for a while. Breathe and notice your in-breath and your out-breath. Have a conversation with a friend and truly listen. Most often people are thinking and listening at the same time. Practice really listening. We all like to be heard and most of us have a deep need to be understood. So when you approach that beautiful man out there on the dance floor or even just at Starbucks, ask him an open-ended question and then listen. You might learn something extremely valuable in that moment and you won’t want to miss it. When we are truly PRESENT in the moment, we are OPEN to meeting the love of our life because we are paying attention.
#3 STAY OPEN
Let go of the way you think your partner is going to show up. Let go of what you think he’ll look like. Stay open. Try this: stand in a room full of people and look around. Say this to yourself (or aloud!), “Every single man in this room is a potential partner for me.” Breathe that idea in. It’s true. We can’t predict the future so none of us really know what our life partners or soul mates are going to look like. Stay open to the possibilities, it’ll keep your heart open.
#4 AUTHENTICITY
Being real means telling the truth. When you’re scared, say so; when you want something, acknowledge it; when you know what your needs are, express them. There’s nothing more attractive then a woman who is unique self and feels good about it. Let your guard down and get out of your own way. In relationship, true selves and personalities are eventually revealed and observed by our partner, so it’s more efficient to be genuine from day one. By expressing our true selves, we attract someone perfect for us!
Flirting with heart allows you to be yourself, appreciate your gifts and let others appreciate them as well. Helen Keller said something very profound. She said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.” Dare to be your best self and have the most deeply satisfying and blissful relationship. You deserve it, that’s for sure!
About The Expert
Robyn Vogel, MA, LMHC is a psychotherapist, relationship coach and an expert at flirting. She loves love and has been helping women fall in love with themselves and others for the past 19 years. More information can be found at www.RobynVogel.com.
Lois Barth on 3 Luscious Life Lessons Smart Single Women Need to Know
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 21, 2011 - 7:00 AM
My good friend and relationship expert Lois Barth has 3 amazing life lessons for us to learn during my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge. See which ones you need to re-learn this month…
When it comes to dating and finding love, do you know what it really takes to find the right relationship for you? Here are 3 important life lessons to learn before luscious life partnership can take place.
Lesson #1 : Understand chemistry. Don’t give so much power to something you know so little about.
Learn the difference between the mistake and mystique of chemistry.
Yes, you need chemistry and attraction for a relationship to work, otherwise you’re in TRS (terminal roommate syndrome). That being said, often that feeling of “fireworks” that you may be looking for isn’t born of health and won’t lead to healthy choices. So if you’re finding yourself having “chemistry” with someone who is ultimately not right or available for you, here are some sure ways to address and overcome this self-destructive pattern:
Be aware of your biology as a woman
As women we’re oxytocin machines. Oxytocin is the intimacy hormone. It allows us to breastfeed or start a conversation with “I love your pocketbook” and then bond for life. It’s who we are and it’s wonderful. What gets precarious is when we combine our innate “urge to merge,” with the za-za-za of “chemistry” and make assumptions that this person is right for us. It may be the case, but there’s just not enough information. Go slow and find out. When you feel that buzz of chemistry, breathe and remind yourself, “Sometimes it’s just oxytocin doing its thing.”
Fess up to your wiring
On that note, if you have a history of being attracted to unavailable partners, due to a myriad of reasons (past history, family patterns, etc.) knowing that that is your default mode can be very helpful. Be patient with yourself and allow your “physiology to catch up with your mental clarity” of what you really want in your life. Give yourself a fighting chance to have your body synch up and respond to healthy available and appropriate partners. Three clients of mine did that, and all got proposals in the same month.
Attraction does not equal availability
This is a tough one and confuses us regularly. When you feel a mutual attraction with someone it’s sooo easy to “assume” that the person is available. NOT!!! Sometimes, “Yes,” a lot of times “No.” So how do you know? Turn down the volume on their words and up the volume on their behavior. I say, “Words are weak. Behavior is bold.” Pay attention to the behavior that your suitor or partner is displaying more than the words. Finding a luscious life partnership is always a blending of heart and head.
Lesson #2 :Know what beliefs you are bringing to the relationship and dating table and make sure they are aligned with what you say you want in a luscious life partnership.
This is where a coach comes in VERY handy, since it’s not “what we know that we don’t know, but what we don’t know what we don’t know,” that really stops us from luscious life partnerships. Fear not, limiting beliefs are like weeds in your garden of greatness, they can be pruned so your garden can flourish, but first they have to be identified as weeds.
Lesson #3: Get clear of your requirements, needs, and “wouldn’t it be fabu” list for a luscious life partnership.
Ever been on a date that felt more like an interview? Yuck! So not fun! By focusing on what your requirements, needs, and “wouldn’t it be fabu” wish list for partnership allows far more flexibility, creativity and breathing space.
Let me break down these 3 very different lists.
Requirements/Non- Negotiable Deal Breakers/ Must Haves
If everything else on the list is in your partnership but that one isn’t, you can’t stay in the relationship, or even move forward in it. If you can, but it will be an issue, that’s a need, not a requirement.
Needs
Your needs list is comprised of things that if not met on a consistent level, will be what I call “emotional or logistical splinters,” meaning there will be a big wince on your part, but you’re certainly not going to have to cut off your finger because of the splinter in it. If you can live with it, it’s a need, if you can’t, then it’s really a requirement.
Wouldn’t it be fabu wish list
Not a deal breaker, not a need, but if you got it, it would be like winning luscious life partnership lotto!
While this process is best gone through with a coach or outside set of eyes, you can start playing with your lists during Lisa’s 30 Day Get Out There Challenge. By gaining clarity, you increase your chances of success.
Oh, and don’t forget to have fun!
About The Expert
Lois Barth is a relationship and life coach who loves showing women how to create luscious lives. A highly sought after speaker and former standup comic, Lois brings humor and compassion to her work. She can be found at http://www.lusciouslivingwithlois.com/
Why Men Cheat During the Holidays
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 30, 2011 - 7:00 AM
With the holidays upon us, has your To Do list become a mile long? From buying and wrapping presents to scheduling family festivities and travel to finishing up those year-end projects at the office, it’s no wonder that romance falls off the radar! It’s also no surprise when you hear of a man cheating during the holiday season. What causes this rise in infidelity? Is it libido, ego, or, gulp, is it us?
The following are some of the most common reasons men cheat during the holidays…
1. He doesn’t like the way he’s being treated
Oftentimes, a man cheats because he doesn’t like the dynamic in his current relationship. If he feels like his partner nags him, belittles him, disrespects him, and/or treats him like a child, meeting someone new who treats him with respect, admiration, and with desire will feel incredibly appealing. So what does that have to do with the holidays? With the added stress of that long To Do list, some women may be unconsciously treating their man like he’s yet another thing they have to cross off their list, but they just don’t have time for. And honestly, who wants to be treated that way?
No one! To avoid driving your partner away, spend time every day nurturing your relationship. And not just during the holiday season. All year long, let your partner know how much you love and appreciate him. Ask for the same in return. By being treated the way you want to be treated and ultimately treating your partner with love and respect, you take an important step in affair-proofing your relationship.
2. He feels ignored/unappreciated
Like it or not, men are wired differently than women. It’s that whole Mars/Venus thing. So when a woman’s attention is diverted by holiday shopping, decorating the home, and/or dealing with party planning and family visits, a man can feel completely ignored and unappreciated. Of course, his first response should be to talk to his partner about how he’s feeling. But again, men are wired differently. Asking to have his needs met can make a man feel weak. Instead, he may look outside the relationship. This is where problems may arise. Instead of summoning his inner strength and asking for love, attention, and/or validation from his partner, a man is much more comfortable seeking these things from another woman. At first, this new woman may only be an emotional confidante. However, over time this female friend may stir up other needs. That’s when a man is likely to initiate physical intimacy. To avoid this danger zone, it’s important to maintain open lines of communication between you and your partner. If and when these feelings of dissatisfaction or hurt surface (during the holidays or any time of year), your man should feel free to discuss them with you, thus eliminating his need for outside emotional companionship.
3. He’s unhappy and the holidays remind him of what’s missing
The holidays are a time when everyone — both men and women — take stock of their lives. If the year has been good, you’re likely to feel good about the holidays. However, if the year has been difficult, challenging, and/or unsatisfying in terms of career, health, family, finances, and/or relationships, the holiday season may bring on added stress or a deeper level of unhappiness. If he feels like he can’t talk to his partner about this dissatisfaction, a man may look elsewhere for solace. To avoid getting into the dangerous scenario of your partner seeking comfort from another female, it’s once again important to keep those lines of communication open. Even if your year has been stressful — from finance to romance — let your partner know it’s safe for him to express himself about any and all issues. Even if you disagree, give him a secure space to share how he’s feeling. And don’t argue or chastise him for what he says or how he feels. Instead, listen, validate, and let him know he’s been heard. Above all else, it’s important to realize that a difficult year doesn’t have to end in infidelity. Instead, these trying times can bring two people closer, if you’re both willing to be vulnerable, honest, and work together rather than against one another.
4. He’s bored
Mistletoe, tree trimming, sipping hot cider or egg nog? Let’s face it. All those things that make the holidays fun and exciting for you may just bore your partner to tears. And while that’s no excuse for cheating, infidelity happens. However, this particular relationship rut can be easily remedied. Find out what floats your partner’s boat when it comes to the holiday season. See if he’s got any festive fantasies you can indulge in. By nurturing the novelty of the season together, finding traditions you can both get excited about, and making holiday plans you both enjoy, you’ll not only affair-proof your relationship, but find meaningful ways to deepen your bond during the holiday season and beyond.
Ultimately, the reasons a man cheats during the holidays are the same reasons he’ll cheat any time of year. By keeping a relationship healthy all year long, you remove the risk of your partner cheating, and enjoy the fruits of a successful partnership. If or when you see signs your man might be straying, talk to him. See what’s going on. Together, work to make your relationship affair-proof — during the holidays AND throughout the year.
Marriage. Defined.
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 29, 2011 - 7:00 AM
For the last 6 years, I’ve been writing books about breakups, dating, and relationships. I’ve also coached women who want to reinvent their love future, and talked to thousands more about how to heal their hearts and find true love.
And what I hear over and over again is…“I want to meet my husband. I’m ready to get married!”
While I know these women genuinely mean what they say, I also know that if all they really wanted was to GET MARRIED, they would be married already. Or at least married by tomorrow.
YOU COULD BE MARRIED TOMORROW.
Would it last? Probably not. Would you be happy? Not necessarily. But if a woman just wants to be married – if you really just want to be married — she can find some guy to marry her.
You can find some guy to marry you today.
The truth is, you don’t just want to be married.
I believe what you really want – what most single women want – is to find YOUR beautiful, blissful, unique happily ever after story.
You want to fall madly in love with Mr. Right. And vice versa.
Why wouldn’t you want that?
Every person on the planet deserves to find healthy and happy love with their perfect partner.
There’s just one problem. A lot of single women do not have all the tools they need to get love right.
You may not have all the tools you need to get love right.
I know I didn’t when I was single.
Once upon a time, I repeatedly got love WRONG.
I chose the wrong men.
I didn’t know my own needs, let alone how to communicate my own needs to my partner.
I let my emotional baggage rule my relationships. And as a result, my relationships suffered under the tremendous weight of my baggage.
I wasn’t the only one coming to the relationship with unhealthy habits, beliefs, and patterns. My partners weren’t exactly poster children for healthy and happy men. And why would they be?
If like attracts like — and it does — I was always attracting my emotional equal. Ay-ay-ay!
You will, too. And that’s why it’s essential to get as healthy and happy with yourself and your own life before becoming somebody’s wife.
Before settling down with someone, you’ll want to make peace with yourself, your issues, and any baggage you haven’t already healed.
The truth is, nobody can fix you, save you, rescue you, or heal you. That is, no one but Y-O-U.
So if you’re stuck in a fantasy that Prince Charming is going to come along and save you from your miserable life, do yourself a huge favor and rescue yourself. Even if you don’t agree with what I just said, please keep reading. Your future marriage depends on it.
Let me repeat that. If you’re stuck in a fantasy that Prince Charming is going to come along and save you from your miserable life by marrying you, do yourself a huge favor and rescue yourself, starting right now.
Speaking of, now is the perfect time to get real about marriage.
Notice I said marriage, not how to meet your husband.
I find that most women are so focused on meeting their husband and having a beautiful wedding that they forget all about the marriage that follows the wedding. And this is a huge mistake.
A wedding is one day out of your long life. Marriage is a long term commitment that takes time, energy, attention, and commitment.
Take it from someone who’s happily married. Marriage takes work. And to enjoy it, you better like the guy. Not only that, you better have done enough personal work on yourself to NOT be carrying around a truckload of baggage that’s going to squash your relationship.
And you better be willing to love a man who’s imperfect.
You also better be willing to be vulnerable. To reveal yourself, warts and all, to your partner. To be seen and heard at your best and your worst. And to love a man at his best and his worst.
Oh, and one more thing: You better be willing to give up other men. That may sound like a no brainer, but hear me out. Monogamy is a choice. And temptation is a bitch. When you’re married, flirting with other men on occasion can be fun. But it ends at flirting. You won’t know how infuriating this is until you meet a man who makes you melt and all you can do is walk away and remind yourself that you have a husband.
Be prepared: After you find Prince Charming, he will turn into a mere mortal man. And you’ll be stuck with his sweet, snoring, sometimes stinky, sometimes boring self. That, my friend, is the unglamorous, unselfish, rarely talked about truth about marriage. Period.
Of course, there’s an upside, too.
In loving a mere mortal man, you give yourself the opportunity to be loved. Truly, madly, deeply loved. To become family. To merge lives so completely that you can’t imagine your life without the other person. And that is worth putting up with snoring, stinkiness, and the occasional bout with boredom.
I’ll be honest. My husband grinds his teeth in his sleep. He plays video games sometimes. And on Saturday nights, you’ll usually find us parked on the couch watching movies.
But guess what else comes with this extraordinary man?
He cooks amazing, delicious, flavorful dinners for me every night. He likes to snuggle. He’s always saving for the future. He takes me to Paris every 2 years. He throws an annual fundraising dinner for a charity he chooses. He supports me and my goals, dreams, and grand life vision. He meets my emotional needs, thinks I’m low maintenance, and always holds me when I cry. Plus, he’s the most amazing kisser I’ve ever met. And he goes downtown like a champ. Yes, you read that last part right.
For me, there’s no contest. I clearly married the right man. For me.
I want YOU to marry the right man, too. For you.
Before you’ll know who’s right for you, it may be easier to recognize who’s wrong for you. So let’s start there.
In the wrong relationship, you’ll feel compromised. Dissatisfied. Frustrated. Alone.
You won’t feel heard, appreciated, or understood.
And you’ll long for your single days.
Doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, does it? Having been in relationships like that, I can tell you. It’s not.
On the other hand, in the right relationship, you’ll be happy. Fulfilled. Secure. Excited about the future.
In the right relationship, you and your husband will inspire one another to be better people. Your dreams will flourish. Your goals will be met. And together, you’ll celebrate all of these successes with joy and appreciation.
Here’s something else to keep in mind. While you may have a certain vision of who your husband is and what he looks like, be willing to be wrong. Be willing to reinvent what he looks like because of how he makes you feel. And be willing to meet someone you never thought would be your type, but who can actually rock your world AND be your rock.
Before you can meet Mr. Right, you need to become absolutely, positively sure about what you’re looking to attract into your life.
Do you simply want to get have a big, fat wedding and be married?
Or are you looking for YOUR happily ever after with the perfect partner for YOU?
These are 2 very different goals. Neither one is wrong. I just want you to choose so we can proceed with clarity.
The truth is, in the right relationship with the right man, marriage may or may not happen. And you’ll STILL be happy.
In the wrong relationship, even if you DO marry, you will be miserable.
Again, the choice is yours. Make your choice clearly and consciously. This is the first step to finding the kind of love you desire and deserve.
For more tips on how to become a man magnet, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up my e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.
So You Want To Meet Your Husband…
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 28, 2011 - 7:00 AM
As the holidays approach and you start to reflect on the year that has passed — thinking about all that happened in 2010 and all that did not — how are you feeling? If one of your goals was to find love in 2010, did you achieve that goal? And if not, how are you feeling about NOT finding love this year?
As you start thinking about 2011, is your desire to meet the man of your dreams, settle down, and get married high on your list of priorities?
If so, congratulations! As someone who’s very happily married to my perfect partner after YEARS of being the token single girl in my social circle who kept getting love wrong, I know how extraordinarily rewarding being married is.
I also know that I could NOT be married to any of the other men I ever dated on my happily ever after journey. And I was single for the first 33 years of my life, so I dated A LOT of men.
Without a doubt, any other marriage with any other partner I’d ever dated would have ended in divorce. Or murder.
I would have killed them for driving me crazy. Or vice versa.
This is important to keep in mind as you embark on YOUR happily ever after search for your husband in the coming year.
But first, let me tell you a little bit about how I met my husband.
I met my husband in 2005 at a bar one hot summer night in Los Angeles. We just happened to be sitting at tables next to each other with our friends. I was there with my girlfriend. He was there with his friend and his friend’s girlfriend. My friend started talking to him and his friends, and by the end of the night he asked for my number.
He called the next day to arrange for our first date. While in the past I would have considered him too eager for calling me the very next day, I was at a place in my life where I could appreciate that he wasn’t playing games.
Of course, I wasn’t at a place where I was perfect. I flaked on our first date. And when my husband called me on my bad dating behavior, I knew I would be foolish to flake again.
On our first date, my husband showed up with flowers and was impeccably dressed. Again, my inner critic who had once ruled my love life wanted to point out that he was trying too hard. She also wanted to point out that this nicely dressed nice guy who showed up at my doorstep with flowers was just too darned, well, NICE.
Fortunately, I’d gotten to a place in my own personal development where instead of believing every word my inner critic said, I simply turned down the volume so I could pay attention to the nice guy who had just brought me flowers.
I reminded myself that in the past, men only brought me flowers when they had screwed up royally. Flowers just because? How thoughtful! a new voice inside whispered.
Unlike my inner critic, this new voice was kinder, gentler, and 100% invested in my happiness. This voice was NOT my inner critic. It was my gut instinct. Or, what I now lovingly refer to as my Woohoo Within™, that wise place inside each of us that knows what’s best for us. If we can tune in and listen, that is.
My Woohoo Within™ was saying, “You’d be a fool not to get to know this nice guy.”
If you have ever ignored YOUR gut and then found yourself saying, “I should have listened to my instincts!” pay attention to what I’m saying here.
Your gut will never be wrong.
Your inner critic, on the other hand, is a selfish, scared, sabotaging brat who’s looking to maintain the status quo, a.k.a. keep you single. The sooner you can distinguish the difference between your gut and your brat, the sooner you can tune into your gut and turn down the volume on your brat. I’ll talk more about this later.
Now, back to how I met my husband.
Our first date was a sweet success. He took me for Thai food in my neighborhood and then we went to a lounge where we listened to live music. We talked, laughed, and enjoyed each other’s company.
While other men had complimented me in the past on my hazel eyes or beautiful smile, my husband told me he liked my nose.
While other men had tried to play tonsil hockey with me on the first date, my husband took 3 pregnant pauses on our first date, looked at me intently, and then did NOT try to kiss me.
And while other men had dropped me off and driven away at the end of the evening, my husband walked me to my door and hugged me goodnight, saying he’d like to ask me out again.
Again, I was far from perfect. While I appreciated his gentlemanly ways, I was so nervous about having to wait an entire second date before experiencing our first kiss that I leaned in, planted one on him, and ran inside the house. Stunned, he almost fell down the stairs. He did, however, promise once again to call.
And he did.
On our second date, I told this nice, sweet, cute man that I never wanted to get married or have children. And at the time I meant it. I just didn’t know any tremendously happy married couples. And without an inspiring role model to follow, why did I want to get married?
We married in 2008.
A girl’s allowed to change her mind.
In the 5+ years I’ve been in a rock solid relationship with my husband, I’ve come to understand exactly what I did right that ultimately helped me manifest Mr. Right.
I’ve also realized the things I did wrong — both in past dating experiences as well as with my husband — that almost derailed my success.
In hopes of helping YOU meet your husband in record time (or at least find the loving relationship you desire and deserve), I’ve identified the 5 most important steps I took in the months leading up to meeting my husband that helped me not only manifest him, but also magnetized him to me so that he not only fell for me, but he decided I was The One.
Over the next few months, I’ll reveal my 5 secrets that will help YOU transform your love life into your very own happily ever after story.
As I share these secrets, I encourage you to not only read about them. I encourage you to IMPLEMENT them.
Notice I said IMPLEMENT. That means take action.
Not to get all Oprah on you, but here’s what I know for sure. It’s not enough to read a book and change your life. You have to be willing to take action. You also need to be willing to be consistent in taking new actions to get new results.
So if you really want to meet your husband in 2011, you must be willing to take action, starting now, and continuing until you’ve reached your goal. It won’t always be easy. It won’t always be fun. You won’t always get the results you desire. It may not happen in the time frame you desire.
But guess what? By not giving up, by consistently committing to getting a different result in your love life, you will eventually — and I hope quickly — get that different result, a.k.a. meet your husband.
To get started, pick up a copy of my e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.
You can also enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
Share your experiences here on the blog.
Signs you’re hung up on “What could have been”
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 27, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Last week, I announced that I was going to start sharing valuable tips and tools so you could let go of Mr. Wrong and do what it takes to find Mr. Right.
To be honest, I see way too many beautiful, smart, successful women getting and staying hung up on a guy who’s not good for them. And while the occasional run in with Mr. Wrong is normal during a single gal’s journey, getting stuck in a bad relationship or in a never ending loop of loving one Mr. Wrong after another can lead to massive heartbreak, disappointment, loss, and serious financial and emotional debt.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
And I’ve worked with enough women who are starting over yet again after Mr. Wrong wronged them that I want to help you change your fate.
Over the next 3 weeks, I’ll share top 5 traps I see women get stuck in. I’ll also share how you can get un-stuck from these traps so you can find out what it takes to meet Mr. Right.
Even if you’re not quite ready to manifest Mr. Right, you can take at least 1 step today to let go of your love for Mr. Wrong and/or your addiction to bad love.
First, I need you to be honest.
Do you think your ex was The One?
Are you paralyzed by the fear that you don’t have what it takes to get love right?
Do you spend countless nights lying awake, obsessing about how much time you’ve wasted in relationship after relationship that just never worked out?
I get it. I’ve been there. And as someone who once got love wrong every time until she woke up, wised up, and discovered what it takes to find Mr. Right, I want to share with you how being hung up on “What could have been” is sabotaging your chances of finding love.
If you’re haunted by the disappointment you feel at what your future could have looked like but never quite materialized, STOP.
You’re not alone. I’ve been there. And so have so many other smart, successful, amazing women just like you.
As women, we’re biologically and socially wired to want certain things: a home, someone to love, possibly a family. When a relationship ends, it’s like a part of our soul dies. The disappointment in ourselves and our inability to make love work can stifle any hopes of letting go and moving on to a more hopeful future.
But guess what?
It’s time to turn down the volume on that pain and disappointment.
It’s time to accept that for whatever reason, things didn’t work out with Mr. Wrong. You did your very best. In fact, I know you did more than your share to ensure relationship success. You don’t have to know why the relationship ended in order to move on. But you do have to give yourself permission to stop looking over your shoulder, stop obsessing about “What could’ve been,” and instead reacquaint yourself with your present circumstances, freeing yourself up to walk step by step into that magnificent future.
Today, I invite you to ask yourself: How am I hung up on “What could have been?”
And then, give yourself permission to let go of your fantasies about the past and step into the reality that Mr. Wrong wasn’t The One. You are not a failure at love. There’s STILL time for you to get love right.
You just have to get un-stuck first.
Can you see how being stuck in the trap of “What could have been” is holding you back? If so, give yourself permission to set yourself free and move on.
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Before you can meet Mr. Right, you must first know these dating dos and don’ts
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 26, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Spring has sprung and you’re ready to meet Mr. Right. Well, before you leap into the dating pool, first brush up on these important dating do’s and don’ts:
Dont: Drag excess baggage on dates
Just as you shouldn’t have to date a guy who lugs his emotional baggage wherever he goes, you shouldn’t be That Girl either. Nobody in your present dating life wants or deserves to bear the brunt of your past relationships. Your relationship history — the good, bad, and even the ugly — is just that. History.
Do: Learn your relationship lessons
Instead of obsessing about past relationship failures, look at those experiences as valuable lessons. You can learn from any dating disaster, relationship gone awry, and even a bad breakup. These experiences ultimately teach us about our own resilience, what we’re really looking for in our perfect partner, and how we can do better next time by applying our lessons learned.
Don’t: Be a critic
Raise your hand if the following scenario sounds familiar: You’re on a date with someone new, and instead of being present and actively getting to know the person seated across from you at the coffee house/restaurant/cocktail lounge, you’re stuck in your own head judging your date. He’s too short. He doesn’t drive the right car. I don’t think he makes enough money. Chances are, you’ve been there, done that. And if so, you may have walked away from what could have been a great date because your inner critic got the best of you. While you may think your inner critic is merely pointing out relationship red flags, what it’s really doing is sabotaging your ability to get to know someone new; someone who could be a great guy if you gave yourself a chance to get to know him. You owe it to yourself to turn the volume down on your inner critic, pay attention to the person you’re on a date with, and then decide for yourself if you’d like to see him again. By muting your inner critic, you may just discover you’re a better judge of character.
Do: Have fun
In your quest to meet your partner, you may sometimes lose sight of the fact that dating is supposed to be fun. Yes, it takes a lot of time, energy, and patience. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the process. If you’re feeling particularly stressed about dating, maybe it’s time to take a brief break. Focus your energies elsewhere for a while; on work, a hobby, or just on nurturing yourself. When you’re ready, get back out there. But first adopt a more Zen approach to dating. Enjoy getting to know new people without worrying about where it’s leading or if he’s The One. By enjoying your dating journey, you’re all the more likely to attract a healthy and happy partner because you yourself are happy and healthy.
Don’t: Look at being single as a bad thing
Be honest — does being single sometimes feel like a life sentence you’re forced to endure? If so, don’t be surprised if you’re attracting like-minded individuals or not attracting anyone at all. This kind of negative thinking is both dangerous and defeating to your dating efforts. After all, would you want to date someone who hated being single?
Do: Become a successful single
The key to enjoying your social life as a savvy single is to relish in the possibilities. You have yet to meet the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with and that’s fantastic! By being footloose and fancy free, you have the opportunity to meet and date and try on different partners until you find the right fit. While not every person you date is going to be right for you, by playing the field you exponentially increase your chances of meeting that perfect person. By becoming a successful single and enjoying the quality of your life in general, you’re bound to attract like-minded healthy and happy partners — maybe even Mr. Right.
For more tips on getting back out there and manifesting Mr. Right, check out my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
Dating 101: Top Five Ways to Meet the Man You’ll Marry
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 25, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Shameless plug alert! My friend Carol Allen, vedic astrologer and relationship coach, is absolutely amazing! I recently read an article she posted on Yahoo! Personals entitled Dating 101: Top Five Ways to Meet the Man You’ll Marry that I thought you’d be interested in. Check it out…
If you’re fabulous, single, and utterly mystified by your ongoing solo status, it may be time to “work smarter, not harder” at meeting the right man for you.
Many otherwise bright and successful women find that this part of their lives hasn’t magically worked out like they expected. Upon closer examination, it becomes clear that they haven’t taken advantage of the best ways to meet single men — usually for no other reason than they simply didn’t know better.
Although these suggestions may sound obvious, if you’re still single and don’t want to be, chances are you haven’t realized what you can do, or haven’t made enough of an effort. So here goes!
The five best ways to meet the man of your dreams:
1. Spending Time With Other Single Women. An active social life with other single women has been statistically found to be the top way that women meet their husbands. Why?
Click here to read the full article.
30 Day Woohoo Challenge: Day 13 — Become the Chooser
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on May 24, 2011 - 10:13 PM
Welcome to day #13 of my 30 Day Woohoo Challenge!
Today we’re working on shifting your mindset. I want you to step into the idea that instead of waiting around for some guy to choose you, you’re going to be the chooser.
And not just with any one person. Become The Chooser in your entire life. I talk a lot about how to become The Chooser in my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
To clarify, becoming The Chooser means that you:
- Stop waiting, hoping, and praying Prince Charming will magically come along and make your life better
- Stop passively wishing that people, opportunities, and events would miraculously happen TO you
- Stop putting your life on hold and step into choice, action, and personal responsibility
By being The Chooser, you step out of letting life happen to you and instead become an active participant in your life.
You decide who you want to date, rather than waiting for someone to pick you.
So how do you become the chooser?
Stop waiting around for some guy to notice you.
Stop attending singles events and online dating hoping someone will see you, fall madly in love with you, and rescue you from your life.
What if you get ballsy, put yourself out there, and smile, make eye contact and ACTUALLY talk to men on a daily basis (at the grocery store, in the latte line, and the elevator at work, at the gym, in line for popcorn at the movies, while rollerblading on the beach…)
And test, experience, and tweak your results.
Is it scary to become The Chooser? Sure. Because it requires you to change your behavior. It means you have to get beyond what’s comfortable. But the more you do it, the more comfortable you get.
For more tips on how to become The Chooser, get my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
And report your successes by leaving a comment here or on my Facebook Fan page.
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