How to Beat The Holiday Blues BEFORE Thanksgiving
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 15, 2011 - 7:00 AM
As the holidays approach, it’s all too easy for a single gal to start feeling sorry for herself. Frustrated that yet another year went by without meeting Mr. Right, you can start to feel like the entire year was a big fat waste of your time. But the truth is, you’ve got plenty to celebrate this holiday season. So before you start feeling sorry for yourself, instead start celebrating your fab single self. Here’s how:
Single Strategy #1: Focus on friends and family
Instead of obsessing about what went wrong with your ex or why you didn’t meet the love of your life this year, focus your energy and attention this holiday season on your friends and family. You are loved by many people! You may just need to tweak your perspective. Take some time to reconnect with old friends, tell a family member how much you love them, and in turn heal your broken heart.
Single Strategy #2: Pamper yourself
Think of all the money you’re saving by being single this holiday season! No ungrateful ex to shop for, no annoying in-laws to visit, no ridiculous lovers’ spats after one too many cups of eggnog. This holiday season, celebrate your single status by pampering yourself. Spend a day at the spa. Splurge a little on gifts for yourself. Decorate your home to your heart’s content. Whatever floats your boat, you’re footloose and fancy free to do it!
Single Strategy #3: Reserve the right to say “None of your bees-wax”
Nosey relatives asking too many questions about What went wrong? Well-meaning but intrusive friends trying to tell you what to do to find love? This holiday season, your single status is nobody’s business but your own. So when someone sidles up to you with a gossip gleam in their eye and asks, “So where’s What’s His Name?” reserve the right to protect your healing heart. Simply smile and say, “None of your business.” Or, if you’re so inclined, choose a more radical response, i.e. “I shipped him off to Afghanistan for the new year,” or “He’s contemplating his bad behavior from behind ex-boyfriend bars.”
Single Strategy #4: Become your own arm candy
Stressed about going to holiday parties alone? Instead of fretting about all those outings by yourself, celebrate being single by being your own arm candy! Before going to the party, stop by the mall makeup counter and get a professional makeover. Wear that saucy red dress and stiletto boots. (Or if you’re a guy, invest in that cologne that makes women weak at the knees, or buy a new sweater or blazer that makes you feel like the hunk o’ man you are). Then walk into the party like you own the room. Go ahead – give yourself permission to be your own arm candy!
Single Strategy #5: Give yourself permission to celebrate your slump
There will be times this holiday season when you won’t feel like celebrating. Times when you will want to mourn the loss of your past relationship or feel sorry for yourself for still being single. And that’s okay. Give yourself permission to turn down a party invitation or two in favor of curling up with a good book, a glass of wine, or your favorite sappy movie in your pajamas at home. This is your life – feel it, celebrate it, let it go!
What do you think about these 5 tips? Share your comments here on my blog.
Ready to rock your love life this holiday season? Enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
Need hands on help fighting the holiday blues? Pick up a copy of my books It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good! or If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.
Ready to manifest Mr. Right? Grab your copy of my new e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.
No annoying in-laws this holiday season? Woohoo!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 14, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Being single during the upcoming holiday season is full of challenges. Maybe you’re frustrated you didn’t meet Mr. Right in 2010. Maybe you’re feeling sorry for yourself that you’re minus a Plus One at all the upcoming holiday parties you’re going to. And maybe you feel lost when it comes to how to meet your husband.
Before you spend the holiday season feeling sorry for yourself, listen up. Over the next few weeks, I’ll share some of the many ways you’ll want to celebrate your single status this holiday season.
Celebration #1: No In-Laws
Take a look back at your relationship history. If you had difficult in-laws, relatives of your ex who weren’t very nice, or maybe even friends of your ex that used to pick on you or degrade you, now’s the time to give thanks that they’re gone.
Now’s the time to surround yourself with people you actually like.
And if you don’t like your own family, give yourself permission not to spend the holidays with them. Find a family that works for you. If you have friends, see if you can hitch a ride with them to their family celebration.
Not having to spend time with in-laws you’re not fond of this holiday is a great thing to celebrate! Choose the friends and family you surround yourself with this holiday season. Make new traditions that are fun, celebratory, and fabulous!
Report your successes and setbacks to me on my Facebook Fan Page.
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Inside the Mind of the Single Guy
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 13, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Ladies, listen up. If you’re having trouble in the dating trenches — whether it’s meeting a guy, attracting the right kind of guy, or maintaining a guy’s interest — this may just be the blog post for you. I’m taking you inside the mind of the single guy to find out what makes him tick. From his dating dos and don’ts to how he feels about monogamy and marriage, you’ll learn all you need to know to successfully snag the attention — and, possibly, affections — of the single guy.
Real guys like real girls (so just be yourself)
If you’re looking to meet a genuinely good guy, the first thing you need to know is that real guys like real girls. You don’t have to have 36-24-36 measurements or play fickle relationship games, and you definitely shouldn’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Guys consider phoniness a huge turnoff, so the next time you meet a single guy, do yourself a favor and just be your fabulous self. Maybe you won’t attract every guy in the room, but the right guy will be intrigued. The rest is up to you!
Independent women rule
For the single guy, the beauty of being single lies in his ability to have a full and rewarding life independent of a relationship. This allows him to nurture his career ambitions, enjoy time with friends, date interesting women, and live life to the fullest. That’s why it’s important for you to do the same. By being strong, independent, and fully in love with your own fabulous single gal life, you’re that much more likely to attract the single guy who just might be right for you.
It’s okay for you to make the first move
By now we’ve all heard about those notorious pickup artists who employ various tactics to meet, woo, and ultimately bed their conquests. Aside from these players and their questionable motives, there are single guys out there who might prefer that you make the first move. In fact, a lot of guys report that they like it when a girl makes the first move. It lets them know she’s interested (and it’s a real confidence boost!). But a word of caution — if you make the first move, don’t make the second, third, and fourth. Guys want and need to be part of the delicate dating chase. If you do all the work, they’ll just stop chasing.
Physical intimacy means different things to different people
One very crucial thing to know about some single guys is that sex and intimacy can be two different things. And here’s where dating can get tricky. Typically, women equate sex with intimacy. It’s hormonal, even biological. If we’re getting physical with someone, we’re at least thinking about having a relationship with him. Like it or not, it’s often different for men. Sex can be perceived as more recreational. Sleeping with someone does not necessarily mean they’re looking to get serious with her. This information isn’t meant to change what you believe. It’s meant to give you some perspective. If you’re taking your physical relationship to the next level, you might want to have a conversation first to make sure your intentions and his are clearly stated. Then you can decide for yourself if you’re ready.
Most single guys are not marriage-minded
This isn’t bad news. In fact, it’s valuable information you can put to good use. The sooner you understand that most single men are not on the prowl for a wife, the easier it will be for you to relate to your date. As fabulous females, we sometimes have marriage on the brain and often spend much of the first date evaluating whether or not the guy seated across from us could be The One. Men, on the other hand, go on a first date to have a good time and ultimately decide if they want a second date with you. It’s as simple as that.
Maybe the guys are on to something, ladies. By approaching dating with the attitude that they just want to have fun and meet a variety of interesting people until they meet someone worth committing to, men are playing the field with a healthy dating attitude. Instead of spending all your single gal time wondering and worrying if and when you’ll meet your husband, you too could become a successful single by taking the focus off of when and start enjoying right now.
Commitment is not a bad word
Just because he hasn’t been planning his wedding since he was 8 doesn’t mean the single guy won’t eventually commit to you. The truth is, when the right girl does come along, most single men are comfortable committing. By taking their time and really getting to know the women they date, guys again have the right idea. Take a page from their dating playbook and just have fun dating and relating! That way, when you do meet someone truly special, you’ll not only know he’s The One, but you’ll be ready, willing, and able to commit because you’ve successfully played the field.
So there you have it, ladies. Insight straight from the source — the mind of the single guy. By applying some of his dating success strategies to your own single gal life, you may just discover a happier and healthier relationship future.
Now that you know what single guys are thinking, it’s time to become a man magnet! Enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Dating 101: Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 12, 2011 - 7:00 AM
How do I know if and when it’s time to break up?
There’s a lot of good in my relationship but the bad is unacceptable. What do I do?
I keep waiting for my partner to make the changes I need. How long do I wait? And what if they never change?
Chances are, at some point in your dating past or present one or more of the above questions has weighed heavily on your mind. The truth is, there’s no one size fits all answer for if and when to breakup. However, your gut knows what you want and need to do. It’s up to you to tune in, listen, and honor what you know is right for you. And while it’s admirable to hang in there, try to work it out, and make the best of your relationship, at some point you need to recognize when it’s better to cut your losses and move on rather than stick it out for another day, week, month, year. The following are some tips to help you tune in to what your gut is really saying.
Know what you want
So often I hear from people who feel they stayed too long in the wrong relationship, only to later regret all that wasted time. The best way to guarantee that you don’t waste time in the wrong relationship is to become clear about what you want before you get into a relationship. That starts with knowing your relationship requirements. What are relationship requirements? They are 10 non-negotiable traits, characteristics, and relationship must-haves that you’ve written down and use to screen potential partners. Even if you’re already in a relationship, go ahead and make your list of 10 non-negotiable requirements. If your current partner or person you’re dating doesn’t meet them (and is incapable of meeting them), that may be a clear indication that this is not the right person for you.
Become a red flag specialist
When we’re dating someone, unless they’re a serious con artist they reveal themselves to us through both words and actions. It’s up to us to pay attention. And it’s equally important to become a red flag specialist. What’s a red flag specialist? Someone who can easily and unemotionally identify a relationship red flag when it’s presented to them. Everyone’s red flags are different, and they’re based on your relationship requirements and core values. If your potential partner is consistently late, that could be a red flag. If your date claims to be smart, together, financially secure, etc., but their actions tell you a different story, your red flag alert system should sound the alarm.
Develop 20/20 vision
Rather than project a fantasy of who you’d like your partner to be, it’s essential that you take off any rose colored goggles you’re wearing and see the people you date for the individuals that they really and truly are. By being clear about your requirements and honing your ability to identify red flags as they are presented to you, you will cut down on wasted dating time and avoid getting into a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet your requirements.
Put a deadline on The Waiting Game
If you’re in a relationship and are waiting for your partner to make some changes (get a job, fix their finances, get out of their funk, etc.) before you decide whether to stay or go, put a deadline on your waiting game. And feel free to communicate the deadline to your partner. Let them know if you don’t see promised changes in a reasonable timeline, you’re not going to just hang around and wait for them to get their act together. You have needs, too, and they don’t involve putting off your life indefinitely while your partner tries to figure things out.
1, 2, 3 strikes you’re out
In baseball, there’s a reason you only get three strikes before you’re out. Otherwise, the game would go on and on, strike after strike, with no end in sight. Dating requires a similar rule — the Three Strikes Rule. If you play by the Three Strikes Rule, you give potential dates a margin of error without feeling taken advantage of. If your date is consistently late, doesn’t call when they say they’re going to, behaves inappropriately, or engages in any other unacceptable dating behavior, you reserve the right to call Strike One. And it’s important that you call them on it so that your strike system is clear. If they repeat the same behavior, Strike Two. And again, reiterate your needs, letting them know you’re not messing around. Strike Three? They’re out. It may sound and/or feel harsh at first, but if you really want to cut down on wasted dating time, you’ll listen to your gut and practice the Three Strikes Rule.
So there you have it. Five important tips to help you listen to your gut. By keeping these boundaries firmly intact, you’ll ultimately cut down on wasted time with the wrong person and improve your chances of meeting the right one.
Good luck and happy dating!
Suddenly Single: To rebound or not to rebound?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 11, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Considering a post-breakup rebound? Before you break out the new lingerie, consider the consequences.
Rebounding can be confusing, stressful, and downright sad. It can also send you running back to your ex.
Then again, it can make you feel sexy and desired, which may help you heal.
If you decide to rock your recovery with a rebound, proceed with caution, keeping your mind open to ALL possible outcomes, including the pitfalls.
For tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
“Help! How do I date and have sex after 40?”
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 10, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Are you new to the dating scene in your 40s and 50s? Do you feel like you have no clue how to meet men, date, and handle sex with someone new?
You’re not alone. But you do need to wise up quickly.
Here’s how:
- Trust your gut and intuition
- Don’t jump into sex before you know if your partner is being monogamous
- Be willing to have those tough conversations before getting intimate
- Protect your health at all costs (always practice safe sex!)
Embarking on new dating adventures can be scary at first, but they can also be fabulous! When in doubt, enlist the help of your Woohoo Crew. And share your success and questions here on the blog.
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating During the Holidays
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 9, 2011 - 7:00 AM
So you didn’t meet someone special this year. Before you throw in the towel, give yourself another chance to get love right in 2010 by putting your best foot forward and dating like a pro. Here are some do’s and don’t for rocking your dating life this holiday season…
Don’t: Misrepresent yourself just to get a date
While online dating is a valuable resource for the savvy single, there are people out there who misrepresent themselves. Don’t be one of them, especially during the holiday season. You don’t need to find love THAT badly.
And just as your online dating profile should accurately represent who you really are, your in-person encounters should be equally authentic. Don’t pretend to be something or someone you’re not to try and impress a potential partner. You’re fabulous just as you are and if somebody else can’t see that, it’s their loss. Besides, a relationship founded on lies and/or insincerities will quickly crumble.
Do: Be clear AND realistic about what you want
The most successful daters are those who not only know exactly what they want, but are realistic about themselves and what they’re looking for. Make a list of the qualities and traits you’re looking for in your perfect partner. Then look at that list and ask yourself how realistic it is. For example, is finding someone who makes great money more important than finding someone who lives within his means? Or if you think you want to meet someone who’s highly educated with multiple degrees, is that as important as finding someone with one degree but amazing life experiences that have helped shape and educate him? Make your list and as you continue dating, tweak the list to make it as clear and realistic as possible.
During the holidays, expectations can be a real bitch — for both men AND women. So instead of stressing about whether or not your coffee date will turn into your New Year’s Eve kiss, just enjoy getting to know someone casually this holiday season.
Don’t: Get stuck in a rut
Getting stuck in a dating rut or dry spell doesn’t have to be part of the single gal’s experience, especially not during the holiday season. Taking time away from the dating scene to breathe and reboot is one thing (and oh-so-necessary now and then). But getting stuck in a dating rut where you’re either not meeting anyone or only meeting the same type of guy over and over again is a thing of the past. And just because the holidays are around the corner DOESN’T mean you have to put finding love on hiatus. Remember, relax, have fun, and keep your expectations in check.
Do: Put yourself in target rich environments (often!)
The best way to avoid a dating rut is to get out there on a regular basis. And the holidays are the perfect time to do this! From office holiday parties to singles mixers to friends getting together, there are plenty of chances to rock your dating life during the holidays. Take advantage of all the fun festivities and put yourself in target rich environments as often as possible.
What’s a target rich environment? It’s any location where savvy and successful single men can be found in abundance. For the best results, choose a target rich environment based on your own interests. Don’t think sports bar (unless you’re a die-hard sports fan yourself), but instead think bookstore or singles event or museum fundraiser or political rally. Once you’re in your target rich environment, don’t forget to smile and circulate!
Tis the season to have fun, flirt, and be your fabulous single self. So why not rock your dating life and see what happens?
Are you scared to be single?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 8, 2011 - 7:00 AM
When it comes to being single, what scares you the most…
Standing on your own two feet?
Not having a date on Saturday night?
Never dating again?
Never meeting your perfect partner, falling in love, and experiencing your very own version of happily ever after?
All of the above?
The truth is, you ARE worthy of love, warts and all. Your happily ever after still exists. It’s just up to you to redefine it. In the meantime, it’s okay to be scared to be single. It may be new and unfamiliar territory, but guess what? As uncomfortable as it can sometimes feel, being single is also a gift and a blessing. And in time, you may just discover that you actually enjoy being single.
So how do you change how you feel about being single?
First, you admit that you still want to find love. That’s natural, normal, and biological.
Second, you surrender to NOT knowing when it will show up.
Then, you start creating a life YOU love, complete with taking full responsibility for your emotional well being, your financial fitness, and any other baggage that may be weighing you down.
And then you put yourself in target rich environments several times a week.
And celebrate fabulous YOU! In doing so, you’ll ease up on the self-imposed and societal pressure to couple up and instead live and love your life today.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Feel like you wasted years with Mr. Wrong?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 7, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Be honest…
When you look in the rearview mirror of your last relationship, do you:
A. Kick yourself for staying too long
B. Feel like you wasted weeks, months, years of your life that you’ll never get back
C. Worry that your ex still has time to get everything he wants, but it’s too late for you
D. All of the above
Whether you chose A., B., C., or D., the good news is that it’s never too late to be true to yourself.
Did you stay longer than you should have in the wrong relationship? Maybe. But you probably still had lessons to learn. Can you recoup those so-called wasted weeks, months, years? Not literally, but cosmically, yes.
How?
By learning your lessons, promising to never again repeat patterns and habits that no longer work for you, and by remaining consistently committed to your amazing future. If you commit to your successful future, you will never again waste time on the wrong guy.
First, you must commit to doing the following:
1. Make your list of relationship wants, needs, and requirements so you’re crystal clear about what you do and don’t want
2. Become a red flag specialist who never again ignores all the signs that Mr. Wrong is NOT The One
3. Trust that Mr. Right is out there for you and don’t get unnecessarily sidelined by men who don’t match his description
4. Create a life you love so that you’re not waiting around for some guy to rescue you
5. Let go of unhealthy baggage that’s stifling you and keeping Mr. Right away
Can you see how getting hung up on the time you may have wasted with Mr. Wrong only keeps you stuck? Give yourself permission to set yourself free and move on — for good!
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Feeling lost when it comes to love?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 6, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Now that you know the signs you’re hung up on What could have been, how to STOP feeling like a failure at love, and how to END your suffering for wasting too much time with Mr. Wrong, it’s time to get some serious clarity.
It’s time to stop feeling lost when it comes to finding Mr. Right.
Let’s get your internal compass working again!
First, let’s determine where you got lost in the first place.
If you spent most of your last relationship catering to your ex’s every need, don’t beat yourself up for being too accommodating. Celebrate the fact that you’ve got a lot of love to give. Moving forward, why not put all of that amazing love and attention on your own interests, your own needs, your own self nurturing? That way, you’ll never again get lost in a relationship, living solely for the purpose of helping your partner get everything they want and need, all the while feeling suffocated, isolated, and/or under-appreciated.
Truthfully, in a healthy and happy relationship, wants and needs are a two-way street. You take care of yourself AND your partner, and vice versa.
Starting right now, ask yourself what it would FEEL like to get your needs met.
Imagine how your life would improve if Mr. Right was there for you.
It’s possible. First, you have to connect to how healthy and happy love looks and feels. Define it. Meditate on it. Journal about it.
CONNECT to it regularly so you’ll be able to recognize it when it shows up in your life.
Then when it shows up and you recognize it, don’t run the other way. Celebrate the fact that you’re a powerful manifester.
And embrace the fact that you are not lost nor are you a loser at love. You are right on time for YOUR happily ever after.
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
And if you’re REALLY ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
Pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Love that! In the meantime, focus all that love and attention on Y-O-U.
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