Has your life changed in 30 days? Mine has!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 5, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Whew! What a month it’s been!
Here’s just some of the highlights, both exquisite and excruciating…
- My 8 Week If He’s Not The One, Who Is? Teleclass launched and is now in Week #4
- I attended an AMAZING (and you may even say life altering) five-day event with brilliant success coach David Neagle in Las Vegas
- I started a detox program and have lost 6 pounds (remember my goal of losing 20 by Valentine’s Day? Woohoo!)
- Our beloved cat Maya became suddenly and seriously ill and we had put her to sleep
Honestly, I could go on and on about how the last 30 days have been truly transformational for me.
But I’d rather hear from you.
How has your life transformed in the last 30 days?
What have you been celebrating, struggling with, and/or shifting?
It’s been a rough month, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean you’re not making progress.
It may mean you’re FINALLY facing your demons, dealing with resistance, and possibly changing your life for the better.
At least I hope that’s what all the struggle and strife is about. I’d hate for you to be struggling and suffering without any payoffs in the end.
The amazing women in my 8 Week If He’s Not The One, Who Is? Teleclass have been undergoing massive transformations. And while it’s not all easy and fun, they’re always sharing the power of those shifts. I’d like to share some of their emails with you…
On Week #1:
I just wanted to let you know that I absolutely LOVED the call last night. I got so much more out of it than I expected! WOW!! AWESOME!
On Week #2:
“I just want you to know that these calls are amazing and are really helping me work through things and realize things I haven’t in the past. I want to thank you for all you have done for me and continue to do. You are truly an amazing person and I am grateful everyday that you are part of my life.”
On Week #3:
“I’m still totally amazed by my experience last night. I felt like it completed a circle for me. For as long as I can remember, I have been stuck with emptiness and thinking I didn’t deserve to be happy and positive. I have spent years telling myself that God loves me over and over trying to feel better. But last night I was able to feel the love I had for myself as my “wise old self” looking at who I am right now.”
On Week #4:
“I finally realize that I am not going to settle for crumbs, shortchange myself or settle for less than I deserve. The next time I fall in love it will be with someone who can reciprocate. I will no longer be just a place holder. And I now know how to forgive myself for being and staying in a relationship that wasn’t working.”
Pretty amazing, isn’t it? I’m so honored to lead this class and so proud of the women who are changing their future every day.
btw, I just opened enrollment for my next 8 Week If He’s Not The One, Who Is? Teleclass. Even though class doesn’t start until 2010, you can enjoy a super fabulous 35% discount AND get plenty of hands-on support (a.k.a. private coaching!) through the holidays when you sign up now!
Truthfully, life isn’t always easy. That’s why you’ve got to ask for help…
While I have experienced tremendous bliss in this last month, I’ve also felt excruciating loss with the passing of my very first pet, our beloved cat Maya.
My husband and I didn’t even know she was sick until she started vomiting uncontrollably and drooling. We were blessed that we weren’t traveling and got to be home with her in her final week. It went so fast!
Honestly, making the decision to put Maya down was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I felt confused, scared, sad, angry, and lost. Kind of like how you feel when losing someone you love to a breakup or divorce, right?
I’m thankful I didn’t go through this all alone. I had my husband, my family, and an incredible vet, who we finally found after much frustration, thanks to our dear friend Marissa, who’s a vet in San Luis Obispo. When she heard Maya was sick, she dropped everything to review medical records, xrays, and make thoughtful suggestions and referrals.
In the end, we did what was right for Maya. And when she died in my arms, surrounded by the most compassionate vet on the earth, my mother, my sister, my husband, and myself, we all cried tears of both sadness for our loss and joy because it was such a dignified end to such a beautiful life.
And that’s when it hit me.
When we leave a relationship, or when someone leaves us, we don’t always get a dignified ending.
We don’t always get to celebrate the love we shared because we’re often too focused on the loss, the pain, and the tremendous sadness we experience.
We wallow because we’re afraid to let go and be alone, to lose our love, and to start again.
But starting over is essential.
Not only that, it’s healthy!
My husband and I have started over in a world without Maya. Our cat Buster has started over and actually relishes being Top Cat for the first time ever. Maya isn’t with us anymore, but she’s far from forgotten. She’s in our hearts, our memories, our framed photos, and in little moments that remind us of her. We regularly talk and laugh about her cute little pink nose, how she liked to be scratched between her ears, and how she flirted with every man who ever set foot through our front door, including, and most especially my husband.
Over the years, Maya and I had been through numerous breakups, plenty of heartbreak, and while she loved each and every one of my boyfriends, she loved my husband best of all.
Scratch that – she worshiped and adored my husband. Sometimes I think she wished she had him all to herself and didn’t have to share him with me.
And I think my husband relished the role of being the provider in the house, taking care of his sometimes-needy, often bossy, but genuinely loving ladies. Between me and Maya, he had his work cut out for him!
Now that Maya’s gone, the balance of energy has shifted in our home. I’m now the lone female living with two sweet, sensitive, adoring, lovable men, my husband and our cat Buster. It’s now my turn to take care of the men in the house, and I LOVE doing it!
Sometimes I’m sad when I think of Maya, but mostly, I’m happy because wherever she is, she’s happy, peaceful, and pain-free. And I survived putting her down, something I didn’t think was survivable.
But I’m still here.
And so are you.
If you’re struggling to pick up the pieces and move on with your life, I want that to change right this very minute.
Today, I invite you to start LIVING beyond the pain, loss, despair, and grief you’re experiencing.
I also invite you to celebrate the love you once had, give thanks for having experienced it, and LET IT GO.
I invite you to stand up, give yourself a big, fat hug, and remind yourself that you SURVIVED.
You SURVIVED the loss of love.
You SURVIVED the uncertainty of life without your ex, of standing on your own two feet, of being single again.
When will you truly THRIVE?
When will you fall in love with yourself, your life, and the love that’s still here?
When will you celebrate your strength, resilience, and power?
Let today be the day.
Today, I invite you to:
- Take a look in the mirror and get to know the amazing, brilliant, brave woman staring back at you
- Take an inventory of what you’re thankful for, both in your life and from your last relationship
- Celebrate the fact that you loved, you lost, and you’re still here
And then go out and do something bold, brash, and beautiful!
Maybe you’ll get a makeover, chopping your locks, and stepping into the most fabulous version of yourself…
Maybe you’ll put on your most booty-licious jeans and strut your stuff down the street, flirting with strangers…
And maybe you’ll finally get up the courage to talk to that cutie you always see in the latte line, on the subway, or at the grocery store…
Give yourself permission to have fun! (You deserve it!)
When in doubt, check out my daily video tips on how to heal your heart by New Year’s Eve.
And if you have any questions, e-mail ask@lisasteadman.com.
I’m here to support you and help you re-awaken to that blissful, beautiful, abundant life you deserve to live.
It won’t always be easy, but it will be well worth the effort, I promise!
Do Romantic Comedies Mess With Your Love Life
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 4, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Be honest…do romantic comedies f*** with your love life?
Charles J. Orlando And I weigh in on the dangers of buying into what romantic comedies tell us about love.
If you’ve ever compared your romantic relationship to Drew Barrymore’s, Katherine Heigl’s, or Jennifer Aniston’s, then it might be time to STOP watching romantic comedies and START getting real about love!
What’s your fave romantic comedy? Post it here.
Does Facebook Lead to Cheating?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 3, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Be honest. Do you flirt on social media. Have you ever reconnected with an ex in hopes of rekindling an old romance?
Does Facebook lead to infidelity?
In this Your Tango episode, Charles J Orlando and I weigh in on the dangers of flirting on social media. Find out if it’s healthy or harmful. And share your comments here!
Dating Advice for Cougars
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 2, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Cougar: Term of endearment or scandalous term for women who are simply doing what men have done for decades – dating younger?
Your Tango asked the question.
Here, Charles J. Orlando and I weigh in on why being a cougar rocks — for both the woman AND the guy.
Share your thoughts and comments here!
Did You Know?: The Truth About Sexual Chemistry
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on August 1, 2011 - 7:00 AM
So what IS attraction? How do you define having the hots for someone vs. wanting to be “just friends”? What is that elusive “it factor” everyone talks about?
YourTango.com, Chemistry.com and MSN’s glo recently conducted a survey of 22,000 people, and with the help of biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, discovered The Power of Attraction.
See for yourself what causes those butterflies and sweaty palms…
Should You Be Friends With Your Ex?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 31, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Best-selling authors Charles J. Orlando and Lisa Steadman duke it out in this episode of He Said, She Said, where relationship professionals discuss hot-button issues about social media, dating, marriage and sex.
In this episode, Charles and Lisa discuss if you should be friends with your ex. What do you think?
For more on Charles J. Orlando, visit his fan page on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/theproblemismen
For more on Lisa Steadman, visit http://www.lisasteadman.com/
How to Meet Your Husband in 2011
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 30, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Be honest. Did your New Year’s resolutions for 2011 include some variation of “I want to meet my husband this year!”? Then keep reading. It’s time to set the scene so you can purposefully and powerfully manifest Mr. Right.
First, let’s clarify your REAL resolution. The truth is, I don’t think what you REALLY want is to be married. I believe what you ultimately want – what most single women want – is to find YOUR beautiful, blissful, unique happily ever after story. You want to fall madly in love with Mr. Right. And vice versa.
Why wouldn’t you want that?
Every person on the planet deserves to find healthy and happy love with their perfect partner. There’s just one problem. A lot of single women don’t have all the tools they need to get love right. You may not have all the tools you need to get love right.
I know I didn’t when I was single. Once upon a time, I repeatedly got love WRONG. I chose the wrong men. I didn’t know my own needs, let alone how to communicate my own needs to my partner. I let my emotional baggage rule my relationships. And as a result, my relationships suffered under the tremendous weight of my baggage.
I wasn’t the only one coming to the relationship with unhealthy habits, beliefs, and patterns. My partners weren’t exactly poster children for healthy and happy men. And why would they be? If like attracts like — and it does — I was always attracting my emotional equal. Ay-ay-ay!
You will, too. And that’s why it’s essential to get as healthy and happy with yourself and your own life before becoming somebody’s wife. Before settling down with someone, you’ll want to make peace with yourself, your issues, and any baggage you haven’t already healed. The truth is, nobody can fix you, save you, rescue you, or heal you. That is, no one but Y-O-U.
So if you’re stuck in a fantasy that Prince Charming is going to come along and save you from your so-so life, do yourself a huge favor and rescue yourself this year. How do you rescue yourself? Start by following these 4 basic steps:
Step #1: Identify What or Who is Holding You Back
Whether you think your ex was The One, if your dysfunctional family has you running away from getting close to others, or if your beliefs about love have somehow shut you down to the possibility of ever finding it again, keep reading. The first step in opening up to healthy and happy love in 2011 is to identify who and/or what is holding you back from manifesting Mr. Right.
The truth is, your past may be keeping you stuck in ALL areas of your life. To get un-stuck, now’s the time to name and claim your obstacles in order to deal and heal. This may be a step that requires professional help. Enlist the assistance of a therapist, coach, mentor, or friend to work with you through the breaking free process.
Step #2: Release Your Need to Be Right and Surrender to Being Happy
Are you so attached to your beliefs that love has to be difficult, unsatisfying, or impossible to experience that your need to be right is overpowering your desire to be happy? Here are some examples of what I mean:
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, you ARE too old, too fat, too screwed up to ever find love…
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, your ex was the best thing that ever happened to you and you’ll never meet anyone as amazing as he was ever again…
Are you choosing to be right as in Yes, your parents screwed you up so badly that there’s no way love can show up for you…
If so, then your need to be right about being single is far more powerful than your desire to change your single status. Starting today, what if you simply chose to be HAPPY? If all you have to do to meet your husband is CHOOSE to no longer believe that it’s hard, impossible, or out of reach for you to experience the kind of love you desire and deserve, how EASY is that? If all you have to do to meet your husband is CHOOSE to be happy as you are right now, instead of who you may one day become (that debt free, cellulite free, baggage-free ideal we long to become but may never actually attain), how FREEING is that? If all you have to do to meet your husband is surrender to the beautiful truth that love IS available for you, that it’s not too late, that you’re open to it showing up any day now, how FABULOUS is that?
Today, surrender your need to be right about why you’re still single and instead choose a happier and healthier love future, even if it hasn’t shown up yet.
Step #3: Celebrate Good Men
Now that you’ve identified who and what may have been holding you back from manifesting Mr. Right, and have surrendered to the fact that happiness is so much sexier than the need to be right, it’s time to take the next step in your journey towards meeting your husband. It’s time to start celebrating the good men already IN your life. The truth is, there are good men EVERYWHERE, both already in your life and just passing through on a daily basis. However, if you do not see them, acknowledge them, and celebrate them, you will forever sabotage your chances of meeting your husband. Start paying attention to the men who open doors for you, who help you fix your flat tire, who share their umbrella with you, who smile at you, etc. Celebrate these simple acts by good men and before you know it, you’ll start appreciating men more and more. And when the right one comes along, you’ll be ready to recognize and celebrate HIM!
Step #4: Become The Chooser
So many women spend years — decades even — letting other people choose what’s best for them. They let their parents tell them what to do. They let boyfriends and ex-husbands tell them what to do. They let their alpha female friends tell them what to do. They let their jobs and bosses tell them what to do. And they remain in the passenger seat of their lives.
So how do you become The Chooser in your life? First, you stop WAITING for opportunities to find YOU. Specifically, you stop sitting around, hoping some guy will notice you. You STOP attending singles events and lurking on online dating sites just hoping and praying someone will see you, fall madly in love with you, and rescue you from your humdrum life.
Instead, you get ballsy, put yourself out there, smile, make eye contact, and talk to men on a daily basis (at the grocery store, in the latte line, in the elevator at work, at the gym, in line for popcorn at the movies, while rollerblading on the beach, on the subway, at the bookstore, while volunteering for that cause near and dear to your heart, while enjoying live music at your favorite hot spot, at the chiropractor, at yoga class, etc.) See how many opportunities there are in every day life to make eye contact, smile, and strike up a conversation? Have fun with this!
Step 5: Understand the Difference Between Mr. Wrong, Mr. Next, and Mr. Right
As you start meeting men in 2011, pay attention to which category you put them in. Mr. Wrong is the guy you’ve dated and ultimately assessed that he does not measure up to your long term wants, needs, and desires. Mr. Next is a guy you’ve met and started to get to know. He shows a whole lot of promise, and yet you’re withholding your final decision until you find out more about him. He could be your husband, but for now he’s Mr. Next. And that’s a good thing! Mr. Right is that elusive, once or twice in a lifetime guy who comes along, meets your wants, needs, and requirements, shares similar goals and plans for the future, and is interested and available for commitment with you. AND, you are interested in him and available for commitment with him. Trust me, this guy is worth the wait. If you haven’t found him yet, you’re well on your way.
For more tips on how to meet your husband in 2011, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up my e-book How to Meet Your Husband: Unlock the 5 Essential Secrets to STOP Attracting Jerks, Get Out Of Your Dating Desert, and Manifest Mr. Right.
Ready to Rejoice, Renew, Reflect?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 29, 2011 - 7:00 AM
As the holidays approach, are you approaching with sadness, despair, and disappointment over your last relationship?
If so, that’s okay. But it’s time for a reality check.
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself this holiday season, take the time to rejoice, renew, and reflect.
Ask yourself these questions:
- How did this year go?
- Where do I want to go next year?
- What do I want to celebrate that I learned this year, even if it was painful to learn it?
- What do I want to let go of that no longer serves me?
- What do I want to accomplish in the new year that I need to change my behavior to do?
Spend some time this holiday season rejoicing, renewing and reflecting. As you do, you will see that you are not behind schedule with your life, you are actually right on time.
For more tips on how to celebrate being single and ready to mingle this holiday season and into 2011, enroll in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Single this holiday season? How to survive & celebrate!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 28, 2011 - 7:00 AM
With the holidays upon us, healing and moving on from a broken heart can be especially challenging.
You worry about being the only one minus a plus one at parties.
And sometimes you’re freaked out because you don’t want to answer all of those mind numbing and selfish questions:
Where’s whats his name?
What happened?
What went wrong THIS time?
Sound familiar? I get it. I’ve been there myself.
Healing your heart during the holidays can feel painful, hurtful, and like there’s something wrong with you.
Before you hide under the covers until New Year’s, give yourself permission to pick and choose the parties you go to.
Now, don’t become hermit — choose the parties where there will be people who love you, support you, and nurture you. Gravitate towards situations where your friends and loved ones can help you celebrate your single status.
While healing your heart during the holidays can be challenging, it’s not impossible. Stay focused, honor your progress and setbacks, and know that this, too, will pass.
For more tips on how to heal your broken heart and reclaim your single self this holiday season and into 2011, check out my breakup rx tips on my blog.
You can also pick up one of my 3 books, depending on where you are on the journey way from Mr. Wrong and towards Mr. Right:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Top 5 Hot Singles Winter Getaways
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 27, 2011 - 7:00 AM
‘Tis the season to celebrate being single! While your married with children friends are stuck at home trying to figure out how to assemble their kids’ Christmas presents, you are footloose and fancy free to get away from it all. Whether warmer climates beckon, an adventure on the high seas sparks your interest, or you simply want to slip away for a few days, there’s definitely a destination for you. In case you’re overwhelmed by all your winter getaway choices, I did a little homework and found the top five hot singles getaways this season. And now, for your reading pleasure…
Getaway #1: Set Sail on a Singles Cruise
Once upon a time, cruises catered to couples and families. The romantic dinners, family oriented activities, endless buffets, etc. Those days are over, my friends. All you have to do is Google “singles cruises” to see just how many cruises there are celebrating the single life. Love the idea of snorkeling, scuba diving, and/or hiking in the rain forest alongside your fellow single adventurers? Looking to relax poolside with other single sun worshipers? And what about the never-ending nightlife on board a singles cruise — the dining, dancing, live music, etc.? If the idea of setting sail in the company of like-minded singles appeals to you, then climb aboard this winter for destinations both known (sunnier climates) and unknown (a possible romantic rendezvous?).
Getaway #2: Hit the Slopes, Singles-style
Listen up, ski bunnies and other snow worshipers. One of the hottest singles spots this winter is the ski slope, of course! Whether you snowboard, ski, or spend your day lounging in the lodge, there’s no better place to meet like-minded singles than on a singles ski trip. All it takes is a little research to locate an organized singles ski weekend in your area or bound for your fave snowy slope. Recruit a friend or two to join you or make it a solo ski vacay — you decide. Then pack your parka, load up the skis, and board a bus for a few days of snow, sun, and fun!
Getaway #3: The Girl Getaway
Listen up, Ladies. With girl getaways increasing in popularity, what better time to take one with your best gal pals than this winter? Of course, first you have to decide where to go, and that all depends on your interests. Are you and your friends fanatical about art, wine, and/or culture? Then plan your trip accordingly including museums, wine tastings, and nightlife in Paris, Provence, or Italy. Would you and your posse prefer to get pampered? If so, a spa getaway complete with massages, mani-pedi’s, and facials should do the trick. Or, do you and your g.f.’s share a passion for fashion? Then perhaps a shopping spree weekend in New York City is the girl getaway for you. Regardless of how you and your friends decide to spend your vacation this winter, by spending it together celebrating your fabulous single gal selves, a good time will be had by all. And of course, if you fit in some nightlife complete with a little flirting with the local single guys, all the better!
Getaway #4: The Guy Getaway
OK, Guys. Wish you didn’t have to give up your golf game during the winter? Now you don’t have to. This winter, the hottest single guy getaway lets you not only “get away from it all” but improve your golf game as well. If this sounds like a win-win, then a golf school vacation is the ideal guy getaway for you and your buds. Of course, since you’re single and ready to mingle, golf shouldn’t be the only thing on the agenda. Therefore, you’ll want to find a resort golf school like the Nicklaus/Flick Game Improvement School in Scottsdale or the Advantage Golf School (various locations throughout Arizona) that also feature plenty of other entertainment in the surrounding area, including a happening nightlife. Golf by day, meet beautiful single women by night — what could be better? Be sure to book in advance as these guy getaways are becoming increasingly popular.
Getaway #5: The Do-Gooder Getaway
This holiday season, nothing’s sexier than doing something good for others. And if you’re single, why not combine your free time with a do-gooder getaway, a.k.a. a volunteer vacation? Nothing will make you feel more fulfilled than dedicating your vacation time to a cause near and dear to your heart. From helping to build a school or home in a needy community to swimming with endangered dolphins to record their behavior to tutoring orphaned children, giving back to others this winter is SO the thing to do. Plus, you never know who you might meet. A fellow sexy single with a charitable side? Score! To find out about volunteer vacation programs, visit charityguide.org.
So there you have it — the top five hot getaways for the savvy single this winter. Whether you’re looking to celebrate your single and ready to mingle self, simply want to get away from it all with your friends, or feel the need to do something good for others, there’s definitely a destination to fit your winter wishes. For help planning your singles vacay, check out Singles Travel International.
For tips on how to make the most of your single gal travel itinerary, check out the 60+ tips shared by 30 love experts during my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge for Singles.
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